Friday, July 14, 2006

Wet Sand

When the inevitable looms, there's two things that you can do; either deal with it when it comes or delay it. Regardless, it all comes back to the first one doesn't it? For most things. You can't deal with God on Judgment Day, can you? It's sad what's happening to some people, people I care about.. Well! Can't not practice what we preach can we?

I've been feeling weird lately, since coming back from NZ. Not because of jet lag, although I'm sure it had something to do with it partially. Not sure what it is. It's like that feeling, somewhere between melancholy and that dull feeling you get in your head most of the time when you don't do anything and just sit around. I don't know. Going to class isn't an issue; I'm glad classes started. Is it exercise related? Not particularly. I feel fine on that front. I just hate that feeling, and I don't even know what to call it!

When I walk around campus, it's pretty depressing. A couple of my friends, who've known me since matric, tell me how much whenever I'm walking around with them, I always end up going up to people and saying hi, or people coming up to me (yes, egomaniacal streak talking), and it gets on their nerves sometimes. I don't know. I don't mean to snub people.

But that's not the depressing thing, no. It's like, when I'm walking by myself, the people I say hi to and shake hands with, it's not like we strike up any conversations. It's not like we make any effort to know each other better; never mind that we're walking to class or lunch or purgatory, whatever. It feels so empty and pointless. I want to be that nice guy, but I don't see the point anymore. Not when it leaves you feeling like you still haven't made any progress in fostering friendships.

You know what it feels like? You know that song, "Strange Condition", by Pete Yorn? The lyrics, the video even, just seem pretty darn relevant right now. Truth be told, I would be that guy witht the out-of-focus face (in the video), playing that song, feeling the words. Heh. It practically is all I'm playing right now on guitar, I can't get it out of my system enough. I am out of my head, I don't know what I came for. Ha ha!! That's what reading the notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge gets you! Halfway to the looney bin.

Plus I can't find my pick. It's a good pick, my favorite, Dunlop brand, with a robot decal on. Searched my room plenty. It's nice being home again. I love my folks.

You know what's ironic? In any mental state, I'd be lucky enough to pick any relevant song. Imagine if I'd ended up digging "Copacabana" instead! Or Dave Barry's favorite, "Muskrat Love".

I'm fine. Or I will be. I almost always am. Sigh.


Anonymous said...

Ezanee, i feel the same way about people who says "HI" to me and also towards people who I choose to say "HI" to...

But, know what I did when I feel that way - ask a bloody question that could lead to a more personal conversation.
try that ;-)

- Puteri. (the one who's constantly lost around kuliyyah ;p)

Ezanee said...

Yes Puteri, thank you. But that's not really the main focus of why I wrote this post. I mean, I do the same thing most times. What really bothers me right now is that feeling, and that hi bit's just part of it. Not the whole thing, y'see? But it's cool. Things have a way of working out.

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean.
i juts have this habit of hitting on examples.
hope you get over these 'feelings' bugging ya.

- Puteri.